A state of intense warmth and openness

I'm back at work now, for the past two days.  It is a sad state of affairs.  Being distant from baby, Rose, and the various chores that I would otherwise be doing at home, I feel like I'm confronting myself again.  I suspect that having all of my attention focussed on the baby is not meant to be used as an instrument for escapism, but it has been nice not to have to be preoccupied with my own issues, and work leaves me with a lot of time to do so.

But I don't want to be depressing.  The reason I'm starting on the topic is to note the inevitable distance that is, too soon for my taste, now being placed between me and my baby.  So I wanted to get to this while it's still somewhat fresh in mind: expressing the basic emotions that swelled up in the first moments, and first days, of being with my son.  It all easily slips into cliche territory, especially when I am having small-talky conversations with some colleagues.  And even more serious conversations don't always lead to a meaningful formulation.  So I gave it some thought, and the first expression of the emotions I experienced was "a primal emotion of joy."  Primal as in 'basic,' in the best sense of the word.  But this was not quite right.  So I ended up with "a state of intense warmth and openness."

I mentioned in my last post my marvelling at Leo's evolutionary mechanism through which he captures my complete attention.  It is really an evocation striking at a biological aspect of my psychology.  There is something fascinating about trying to observe my own nature irresistibly being manipulated in the process.  

One of the more insightful books I read about parenting, Our Babies, Ourselves, is a lay introduction to ethnopediatrics,a recently-established branch of comparative anthropology which looks at how babies are nurtured across different cultures.  By looking at how infant rearing is done in most cultures, typical North American practices such as sleeping arrangements, sleep training, strollers, reacting to crying, and diapers are challenged.  The practices which are encouraged as a result of these types of comparisons, are reflected in attachment parenting (carrying your baby, sleeping with your baby, breastfeeding your baby).  (Attachment parenting also emphasizes the neurologically immature state of a newborn, which is also a good reason to be nurturing the baby in a sheltered environment for the first few months).

It occurred to me that the innate biological reactions of parents to their babies might also be an interesting subject of study (and perhaps it has already been).  I had thought of, and someone else mentioned, imprinting, as in our babies indelibly imprinting themselves on us from birth (though I think the term is used to describe the mimicking behaviour of newborns in certain species).

The benefits of having this emotional impact on his parents are obvious for a human newborn, the most helpless newborn of all mammals: the baby gets to be taken care of attentively, rather than abandoned for because he robs us of our sleep and takes over much our lives!  The benefits to the parents are not as practical (nor external) for the first little while.  Our reward is in experiencing a state of intense warmth and openness.    

Baby's here!

Great news!  Rose and I have a baby!  His name's Leo!

Leo was born Saturday, June 18 at 2:32 pm close to our living room floor (but with ample clearance!).  I have been doing little but gaping at him for the past two weeks.

My son was born without violence.  I am proud of this because Rose and I went through a lot of books, videos, and classes to learn about birth and were both hoping for, and working towards, a particular outcome.  Rose did beautifully.  Our doula was amazing.  Our midwives were amazing.  I was sleepy but maybe helped a bit too.  If I can give anyone any advice on labouring is GET YOURSELF A GOOD DOULA.  The process would have been a lot more stressful for us and a lot more difficult for me without the doula's support. I am grateful to everyone who were there and I am both grateful and humbled for our not having had to face any serious complications.

I cannot describe what it is like to be witness to the birth of my child and what it is like to spend the first three days with the baby.  I marvel at the evolutionary mechanism by which I am helplessly charmed when grasping at this being with all my senses.  I only wish I could spend more of my time with him in the coming weeks.

Leo has a great temperament.  He almost never cries and when he does, the cry is well warranted!  After attending a great Bringing Baby Home class, we are (so far) trying to be attachment parents.  This after much skepticism on my part.  But hey, go with the flow.  It's hard to know how much of Leo's gentle temperament is due to our attachment parenting this early in the game.  Or, for that matter, how much his gentle birth may have to do with it.  It's early going still, and his attitude may change altogether!  Rose is working through some breastfeeding challenges and that's going well.  And I, after much joking around, finally decided that I'm interested in EC.  Rose is getting on board, but not quite yet...

Having spent some pixel space on the topic of circumcision in the past months, I should also address it here.  Leo was circumcised by a pediatrician who is also a mohel.  It was a ritual Jewish circumcision modified for the occasion ('circumcision with intent to convert').  The mohel had it all worked out with his standard text and ceremony with which everyone was happy.  Medically, it all went very well, and Leo is recovering great.  But it was also a traumatic experience for me and difficult one for Rose.  I may write about this more at a later time.

For now, enjoy Leo, hanging out with me mere minutes after his birth!